{"id":97,"date":"2016-07-03T06:17:40","date_gmt":"2016-07-03T06:17:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.johnnyjeile.com\/cantcook\/?p=97"},"modified":"2020-01-11T12:18:48","modified_gmt":"2020-01-11T01:18:48","slug":"one-pan-pasta","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.johnnyjeile.com\/cantcook\/one-pan-pasta\/","title":{"rendered":"One Pan Pasta"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I saw Donal\u2019s \u201cOne Pan Pasta\u201d video, I thought: throw\u00a0all the ingredients into the pan and wait only 10 mins for a meal? Surely I can’t stuff that up.<\/h2>\n

Oh boy\u200a\u2014\u200awas I wrong.<\/p>\n

But before I continue this tale of culinary woe, I\u2019d like to highlight my favourite part of cooking: I LOVE<\/b>\u00a0prepping ingredients.<\/p>\n

The chopping, the slicing\u00a0and dicing, and the part where I lay out the ingredients in a presentable-yet-hopefully-not-so-douchey-way. I love all of that.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t understand why people whinge over dicin\u2019 n\u2019 cryin\u2019 over onions either. I see it a\u00a0challenge to\u00a0hold back the tears. And when the floodgates do open, I welcome them. Chopping vegetables sits on the same therapeutic plane\u00a0as washing dishes and, ahem, mopping the floor*.<\/p>\n

\"OnePanPasta-Sliced\"<\/p>\n

Anywayz, back to the utter failure that was my attempt at Donal\u2019s One\u00a0Pan Pasta<\/em><\/a>. You see, Donal\u2019s dish, which was inspired by Martha Stewart\u2019s dish seemed<\/em>\u00a0easy enough.\u00a0But\u00a0my efforts left a lot to be desired.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s where it\u00a0went wrong:<\/h3>\n

\"OnePanPasta-StickingOut\"<\/p>\n

The\u00a0Pasta<\/h4>\n

My pan wasn’t big enough, so\u00a0the spaghetti was sticking out of the pan\u00a0like how a tall person\u2019s feet sticks out at the end of a small bed.<\/p>\n

At the time I thought this\u00a0looked photogenic. But what I didn\u2019t realise was that this cooked the pasta unevenly. Because by the time it reached\u00a0boiling point, the pasta already submerged in the water had more cooking time than the portion that stuck out. When I realised this I hammered the pasta in the water, making room for the rest of the pasta that didn’t\u00a0have its fair share of the boiling hot tub.<\/p>\n

And of course, the cooking times on the video are never accurate as everyone’s kitchen is different.\u00a0One would\u00a0rely on their experience of cooking pasta here to ensure it\u2019s \u2018al dente\u2019.<\/p>\n

But have you forgotten what the title of this blog is? It\u2019s Johnny Can\u2019t Cook<\/em>.<\/p>\n

So of course, my pasta turned out \u2018al crape\u2019 instead. T_T<\/p>\n

Instead of being undercooked, I left it in a bit longer than suggested. As the pasta\u00a0parts that were sticking out became cooked, the cooked parts became over-cooked.<\/p>\n

Clamp and Twirl<\/h4>\n

In the video, Donal did this special move\u00a0where he used the tongs like a\u00a0mechanical claw\u00a0in one of those\u00a0arcade\u00a0claw games. He proceeded to:<\/p>\n

1. Clamp-and-twirl a lump of the pasta
\n2. Lifted it
\n3. Unfurled it so elegantly\u00a0onto a serving plate<\/p>\n

I marvelled at his\u00a0pasta-to-plate ratio. It\u00a0was\u00a0perfect.\u00a0Whereas mine looked like a lump of broken dreams.<\/p>\n

3 \u00a0garlic cloves<\/h4>\n

I really need to dwell\u00a0on \u2018regular\u2019 sized cloves, because instead of regular-sized\u00a0garlic\u00a0cloves, I used\u00a03 GIANT<\/strong> garlic cloves. Result? The pasta was the most garlic-infested garlic-bomb\u00a0I\u2019ve ever rolled my tongue over. If you ever need\u00a0a weaponised-garlic dish to repel a horde of vampires, let me know.<\/p>\n

Finely sliced<\/h4>\n

When the recipe calls for ‘finely sliced onions’, then you make sure you give it ‘finely\u00a0sliced onions’\u2014not \u2018lazily sliced onions\u2019. I overlooked this requirement, rationalising that I simply didn\u2019t have a Valyrian steel<\/a> blade (they\u2019re sharp), nor did I have skill to yield it.<\/p>\n

So instead of One\u00a0Pan\u00a0Pasta<\/em> with hints of onions, it was a pan full of\u00a0screaming \u201cI\u2019M AN ONION SLICE\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

\"Johnny<\/p>\n

Quick tip:<\/strong> Do not rest metal tongs on a boiling pan. The heat of the pan\u00a0will transfer to the tongs. And if you grab onto\u00a0the tongs, the heat will transfer to your fingers. Then your hand will do the\u00a0involuntary dance of anguish and pain.<\/p>\n

\u2014<\/p>\n

WINS<\/h3>\n